Death threats

if you give some one a death threat at least make it good... btw... i want to rip your eyes out fill the sockets with vinegar and sew the lids shut, (while making sure you stay alive of course)... fill your ears with ants... pull your organs and whatnot out, tie them into knots n strangle any children or parents you have while you bleed to death after nailing the feet to trees, then piss on your grave...

please woman...

i keep on hearing about rapes... CARRY GODDAM KNIFES WITH YOU!!! stab the guys eyes out after you kill him if you want... or give a dose of his own medicine if you carry odd objects in your purse with you LOL...

Heres for ask...

Alright alot of you are asking "how can i get a girl?" or "how can i get a guy?"... well... its easy...

first you need the right equipment... 1 van with a large trunk... 3 rolls of duct tape... 1 crow bar...

First find a nice healthy girl or guy and follow her\him home...  when he or her is alone hit em on the head with the crow bar till they pass out...
then wrap there head (avioding the nose), hands, and feet with duct tape...
throw em in your van and congrats... you got a girl/boy friend... although remember to feed it...

aha... i wish...

if i got to be a god for a day alot would change! :]...
First off every homeless person would get a mansion and a life time supply of food...
then i would set the whole antarctic on fire... no one needs it anyway...
thrid babies can no longer make noise till there at least 3 or something...
i would get rid of gravity in the white house...
then i would get bored and just strike a crap load of people with lighting :P...
after that id infest a few churches with huge man eating rats...
id make it rain eggs in a justin beiber concert...
i would help some serial killers throw cops off coarse just cause...well...i dont know...
i could come up with millions more ways id chnge things but... i dont want this to be super long... any more ideas?...

Kitten Stompin...

Alright so today i was bored ans surfin the web and i heard about this video of a lady stomping a kitten... of course cause...il be honest...im a little bit of a sick f*ck i searched for two hours just to find it... all i found was a few pictures and ahahahaaaa... i thought girls liked kittens...
so basically its just a lady petting a kitten on a sidewalk... then she gently puts it down... then with super pointy shoes sticks the high heel though its leg area... then into  its moulth.. after that she steps with the high heel thing going straight though one eye and coming out the other you can see one eye popping out but...lol...the other one is gone... and pretty much the little kittens head is mashed up at the end...
so maybe there should be a punishment for her?...   i say we build i giant high heel shoe machine, strap her to the ground and...ahahahahahahahaha i think you know the rest :].... yeah she apologized but who cares?....

In god we trust...NOT...

This is all assuming that some big magical invisible guy in the sky does even exist... HAHAHAAAAA... that sentence looks to dumb! :'D....


  lets start off with heaven... sure it sounds all fine and dandy when you dont think about the fact that the only way for it to work is for everyone to not have a mind of there own... people have opinions and when you combine different opinions you can cause fights and... well... thats not heavenly... remember the devil?... as soon as he questioned god he was thrown out... that alone says something...  next what if a full out christian was raped and murdered?... so they go to heaven then the rapist spends the rest of his/hers life repenting and begging for forgiveness and goes to heaven... how awkward would it be for both of them... say there was a husband and wife... the husband was atheist so he would go to hell yet the wife was christian so she went off to heaven... do you think that she can enjoy it knowing that her husband is burning or whatever for all of eternity?... i have many other little things like that but for the sake of trying to keep this short il let you think about those...

why does the bible say that god is loving and forgiving?... if he was loving then instead of wiping out a whole bunch of people with a flood sparing only one... instead of using hes magic to just show a sign?.... and how bout with Moses when he was trying to free the whatever it was people... why kill a bunch of helpless babies and put so many mothers and fathers into misery cause they didn't paint there doors?... if god can do anything then he could stop child molesters today... but no... because hes so "mysterious" and it would be taking away freewill when he could just give another sign or something... maybe a wrong time for someone to go to church so that someone could walk in on pastor Dave touching lil girls...just an example....

  so i guess... god can just sit on his lazy ass in heaven with the rest of hes brainwashed followers...

I cant think of a good title...

You know whats super annoying... teens asking if they are preggers on ask.com... there are two simple answers...

1. i know this sounds harsh but... get a big fat smelly abortion...
2. quit messing round... you obviously dont know enough about it...

Alright now that this is covered you all can stop asking bout this crap... okay?...

How To Commit Suicide :P....

Okay so you want to kill your self... sure... but before you blow your brains out, slice your wrists up or hang yourself think... do i want to die like everyone else who commited suicide?...no so BE CREATIVE...

you could try pulling a final destination and reenact one of those deaths... stand up on a roller coaster, use an explosive bbq or..... go to a swimming pool and put your bum at the water drain........ i bet you would at least get onto local news for those...

Skydiving... now i know this sounds obvious but when someone dies from sky diving there...well... that guy who actually died skydiving... all you have to do is just before you jump... take a pocket knife or scissors and rip the parachute will no ones looking...

  Or make it look like a murder... this will freak people around you out and make the police search for someone who dosnt even exist... as long as no one knew you were suicidal this should work fine...


Just so you know... im not encouraging suicide... this is just a joke... yeah yeah i know its not that funny but do you really think i would use the word "bum" if i was being serious... so uh... please dont kill your self with this page up on your computer....... 

How To Get Away With Murder...

You know what drives me CRAZY?!...  almost every murderer that you hear about gets caught sooner or later because they don’t know how to do it right...

So someone pisses you off... don’t kill THEM... everyone knows that you would have a reason to murder them... choose your victims wisely... hookers and drug dealers are easy targets as you can lure them into a dark alley or even car... plus there are so many more reasons they can be killed... how do you think Jack the Ripper was so successful?... You can also go for depressed or suicidal targets...
If you like to tease n scare your victims first make any clues that your about to slit there throat vague... they should figure it out... dont phone them... leave a note in there mail box... where a mask, gloves, and cloths you never wear when you put it there at night... use common sense when leaving clues... 

 avoid guns... need i say more?... there loud and not something that you would find in many peoples homes... choose your weapons wisely... flame throwers can be powerful but they are not easy to control and you will probably just end up burning yourself as bad as you burn anyone else... how bout the good ol knife... one that can stab and slash and is small enough to hide yet big enough to dig into someone’s heart...  if you dont want to keep the body or cut it up and play with it then you can poison or disease the victim and let it just look natural...  

Kill all witnesses..... Yeah that one’s obvious enough... or you could try black mailing any wittnesses to stay quite but they have a pretty big thing against you and you can never know how they feel about what you are trying to hold against them... bribing witnesses is probably one of the worst ideas since they could just take the money and report you anyways....

Another obvious one is making sure that the victim is trapped... like in a house... van... yeah you never know how fast people can run...

Mess with the body... you know...  so that no one can identify it... damage the face... fingers n toes... hair... even cut it into cubes... maybe experiment by spraying chemicals onto it...

Now getting rid of the body... yup this is a pretty important step... you can bbq they body bits up and feed em to the people searching for the victim (watch more criminal minds if you wanna see that... cause THAT was a brilliant idea)... you can make some smoothes... feed the body to pets... pull a Sweeny Todd n make make pies... if you can get the body far enough you can bury it... you can smash the body up and bury it around in your garden...DO NOT keep the body in your house or near by...

 Make sure to not act any different around friends family or anyone after the murder... do not be scared of anyone finding you out... just be careful... fear is a huge giveaway... try to think like them but dont accuse them of acting suspicious around you...
If you do become a suspect... learn how to lie... first as soon as you feel people are wondering come up with things you think that you could get asked... make up good answers ahead of time... when interviewed... talk smoothly, look the questioner in the eyes, make sure you dont touch your nose of play with your fingers... breath normally... remember that the police are just people too and can be tricked...
There are somethings you want to do and do not do just in-case your home gets searched... first watch what you google... yeah Casey Anthony didnt get caught but her google history did get her into some trouble... like i said earlier dont keep body parts or any of there possessions with you... Wash all your cloths properly or find somewhere far enough to burn them...  dont keep what you used to kill your victim with in your house... either destroy it or keep it away from your house (dont put it in your car...)
Last just stay sharp... sorry but its better to stay away from drugs n drinks... just for safety... but dont be too tense so if you need a little to calm down a little then a small dose is okay i guess... but still a risk...
Alright... so i think that if you have common sense, good lying abilities and these easy steps memorised you could pull it off...

BTW... If you also want to mess with the polices or who evers mind add your own touch to it... like chop off a leg slit open the stomach stick it in there and take the head... then leave the body where it can be found...  or you can carve a little drawing or word into your victim... maybe take all there teeth... or separate all the organs n body bits find a tree with alot of branches n decorate it with human... orrrr...get a whole bunch of victims and switch up organs, fingers, maybe even faces...